Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize