What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
