I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
