what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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