Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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