so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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