He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
