Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
