Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
