I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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