Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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