i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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