I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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