I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we're so committed to being not committed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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