I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
