just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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