just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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