The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
