I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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