mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
