If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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