Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My feet surprised me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
