Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
