I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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