i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
