don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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