porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
