opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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