i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
