i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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