u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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