So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
