we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
