found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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