I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
