can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
