I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
