end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize