I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
