my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
