My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
