What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
