I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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