I want to have your abortion
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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