Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
