My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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