i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
