is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
