Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
