Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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