If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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