it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
