eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
