Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i've created a new STD.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
