If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
