Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
