I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
