plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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