So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
