Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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