If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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