no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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