You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
