4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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