You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
