eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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