I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
