I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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