Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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