oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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