i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
