i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
