So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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