Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm jealous of your bromance
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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