"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
