the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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