What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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