I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
