as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
