he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
