could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
