im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
tequila makes me forget i have legs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
